Worlds Largest Elephant Joke Library

Posted by King Thibaw on Saturday, August 29, 2009

Massive Elephant Joke Fun

Next time you host a white elephant gift exchange you might want to brush-up on your elephant jokes. We have compiled one of the largest lists of elephant jokes available. Please add more in the comment box…
Here is an idea for your next white elephant gift party: Require that every attendee to your white elephant gift exchange comes prepared with a wacky white elephant gift joke to share.
FIND A FUN ONE HERE:

AlbinoPhant Elephant Joke Library

AlbinoPhant Elephant Joke Library

ELEPHANT JOKES with a WHY
1. Why do elephants have flat feet? ( To stamp out forest fires)
2. Why can’t an elephant ride a bike? ( He doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell)
3. Why do elephants have squinting eyes? (from reading the small print on the peanut packages)
4. Why does an elephant have a short tail? (Someone pulled his truck)
5. Why did the elephant marry the ant? ( He wanted to have Eleph-ants)
6. Why do elephant float on their backs? ( to keep their tennis shoes dry)
7. Why do elephants roll down hill? (because they can’t roll uphill very well.)
8. Why did the elephants lay down in the path? (to trip the ants)
9. Why wouldn’t the elephant go swimming? ( he forgot his trunks)
10. Why did the elephant go lump, clump, lump, squish? (one of his tennis shoes got wet.)
11. Why do elephants wear red tennis shoes? (so they can hide in the strawberry patch.)
12. Why do elephants travel in herds? (to get a discount on tennis shoes)
13. Why do elephant have flat ears? ( from wearing their cowboy hats too tight.)
14. Why do elephants wear flat, green hats? So that they can walk on a billiard (pool) table without being seen.
15. Why did an elephant wear a baseball cap and shorts? So that when he gets on the bus he can pay a child’s fare.
16. Why is an elephant large, gray and squarish? ( Because if it was tiny, round and oval, it would’ve been a Tylenol tablet.)
17. Why do elephants wear flat, green hats? (So that they can walk on a billiard (pool) table without being seen.)
18. Why did an elephant wear a baseball cap and shorts?(Why did an elephant wear a baseball cap and shorts?)
19. Why does an elephant wear sneakers ?(So that he can sneak up on mice !)
20. Why don’t elephants like martinis?(Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?)
21. Why are elephants wrinkled?( Have you ever tried to iron one?)
22. Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?(Because if they were small, white and smooth they’d be aspirins.)
23. Why do elephants have trunks?(They’d look pretty stupid with glove compartments.)
24. Why do elephants lie on their backs at 5:00 in the jungle?(To trip low flying canneries)
25. Why did the elephant have a yellow spot on its butt? (He wasn’t laying down!)
26. Why do elephants paint themselves green? (So they can sneak across pool tables)
27. Why did the elephant cross the road?(Because the chicken, duck, pig ..etc…. where all to tired of crossing the road!)
28. Why are elephants knee’s wrinkled?(From playing marbles!)
29. Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?(So they can float upside down in custard)
30. Why is it dangerous to walk through the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?(That’s when elephants are jumping out of trees)
31. Why are Pygmies so small ?(They tried to walk through the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.)
32. Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?(So it can hide in cherry trees.)
33. Why did the Elephant where red sneakers?
A. So he could hide in the Apple tree!

35.Q. Why did the Elephant wear three white sneakers and one yellow sneaker?
A. Forgot to lift his leg.

36.Q. Why did the Elephant wear four different colored sneakers?
A. To hide in the Gumball Machine.
37.Why can’t you get an Elephant to screw in a light bulb.
A. Because they won’t fit in a light bulb.
38.Why don’t elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
A. Because of all the cheetahs!
39. Why do elephants wear sandals?
A. So that they don’t sink in the sand
40.Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A. They are looking for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
41.Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A. He slipped

42. Q. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A. He was glued to the first one.

43. Q. Why did the third elephant fall from of the tree?
A. He thought it was a game.

44. Q. Why did the fourth Elephant fall from the tree?
A. Because when his mother asked if all the other elephants were falling out would you, he said Yes!
45.Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A. So he wouldn’t fall into the hot chocolate.
46.Why do Elephants drink so much?
A. To try to forget.
47. Why do ducks have flat feet?
A. So they can stamp out forest fires.

48. Q. Why do Elephants have such large, tough feet?
A. So they can stamp out flaming ducks
49.Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: To hide in cherry trees.

50. Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking cherries.
51.. Why are Elephants so wrinkled
A. Have you ever tried to iron one?
52.Why do Elephants have trunks
A. 1: Because they’d look silly if they had suit cases.
2: They don’t have pockets.
53.Why do Elephants hide in strawberry patches?
A. So they can jump out and stomp on people.
54.Why did the Elephant wear sunglasses?
A. With all the silly Elephant jokes going around, he didn’t want to be recognized.
55. Why did they throw the Elephants out of the swimming pool?
A. They couldn’t hold their trunks up.

56. Q. Why wasn’t the Elephant allowed on the airplane?
A. Because his trunk wouldn’t fit under the seat.

57. Q. Why were the Elephants the last animals off the ark?
A. Because they had to pack their trunks.

58. Q. Why do Elephants paint their toenails green?
A. So they can hide in the pea patch.
59.Why do Elephants have crinkly feet?
A. To give the ants a chance.

60. Q. Why did the Elephant cross the road?
A. It was the Chicken’s day off.

61. Q. Why do Elephants have wrinkled knees?
A. From playing marbles.
62. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

63.Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

64.Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

65.Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.
66. Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes? A.Because the white ones always get dirty.
67. Why do elephants float in the river upside-down? A.To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.
68. Why do elephants travel in herds?
Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.
69. Why do elephants walk on four feet?
Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean.
70. Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellow?
So he could hide upsidedown in a bowl of custard.
(Have you ever seen an elepahnt in your bowl of custard?)
71.

HOW JOKES:

1. How do you stop a herd of elephants from charging? ( take away their credit cards)
2. How do you make an elephant float? ( 2 scoops of ice cream, some soda and some elephant)
3. How does the elephant get into the tree? ( He hides in the acorn and waits for the squirrel to carry him up.)
4. How do you run over an elephant? ( climb up his tail, dash to his head, then slide down the truck.)
5. How do you make a slow elephant fast? ( don’t feed him)
6. How can you tell if there is an ewlphant in your frig? ( you can’t close the door)
7. How can you tell if there is an elephant in your house? ( look outside and see if his tricycle is in the front yard.)
8. How do you kill a purple elephant ? ( with a purple elephant gun.)
9. How do you kill a white elephant? ( hold his nose until he turns purple and then shoot him with the purple elephant gun.)
10. How did the elephant get up in to the cherry tree?(Parachuted of course!)
11. How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps? (1.Open the door, 2.Put the elephant in, 3.Close the door.)
12. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge in 4 steps?( 1.Open the door, 2.Take the elephant out, 3.Put the giraffe in, 4.Close the door.)
13. How to elephants talk to each other ?(By ‘elephone !)
14. How does an elephant get down from a tree?(It doesn’t, You get down from a duck.)
15. How do you make an elephant stew?(Keep him waiting a couple of hours.)
16. : How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It’s bike is outside.
17. Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
18.How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
19.: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: There are no yellow elephants.

20.Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.

21. Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.
22. How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
23.: How dow you get an elephant to come in a thimble?
A: Stuff a bale of hay in it.

24.Q: How do you stuff a bale of hay in a thimble?
A: One straw at a time.

25 Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don’t be stupid, elephants can’t change light bulbs.

26.Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.
27.How does an elephant get out of a phone booth?
A: The same way he got in.
28.: How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
A: Take out all the matches first.
29.How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.
30.How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him “lunch”.
31.How do you know if there’s an elephant in bed?
A: He has a big ‘E’ on his pajamas jacket pocket.
32.How do elephants talk to each other?
A: By ‘elephone.
33.. How did the mouse become as big as an elephant?
A. Bill Gates gave it a new operating system!
34. How do you get an Elephant into a VW?
A. Open the car door, put the Elephant inside, close the door.
35. Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
A: For carrying their library cards.
36.. How do you know if there’s an Elephant in the ice cream shop?
A. His bike is outside.

37. Q. How do you know if there are two Elephants in the ice cream shop?
A. There’s a dent in the cross-bar.

38. Q. How do you know if there are three Elephants in the ice cream shop?
A. Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

39. Q. How do you make an Elephant float?
A. Take two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and one Elephant.
40.How can you tell when an Elephant’s been in your refrigerator?
A. Footprints in the Jell-O.
41.How do you fit 5 Elephants in a Volkswagen?
A. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.
42.How can you tell if an Elephant’s been sleeping in your bed?
A. Peanut shells under the pillow.

43. Q. How do you catch an Elephant?
A. Wait at a street corner and when you see the Elephant raise your hand a yell “Yo Elephant”

44. Q. How did the cheerleader die?
A. She tried to catch an Elephant doing a split.

45. Q. How does an Elephant get out of a phone booth?
A. Same way she got in.
46.How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don’t be stupid, elephants can’t change light bulbs.
47.How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
48.How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,…..

49. Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.
50.How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.
51. And finally: How do you catch an elephant?

A. You will need a jam-jar with a firm lid, a telescope, a black-board and a piece of chalk.
And a jungle with elephants, of course.
Go to the jungle. Write 2+2=5 on the blackboard. All the elephants will come running
and be paralyzed with laughter. While they are busy laughing, turn the
telescope the wrong way around and use it to look at the elephants. As they
are now very small, you can easily pick them up and put them in the glass and close the lid.

WHAT JOKES:

1. What do you know when you see three elephants coming down the street wearing the same sweatshirts? ( they’re all on the same team)
2. What’s grey and stomps out jungle fires? ( Smokey, the elephant)
3. What’s Smokey the Elephant’s middle name? ( the)
4. What’s the difference between an elephant and a flea? (An elephant can have fleas but a flea can’t have elephants)
5. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter? ( An elephant that stiks to the roof of your month or a jar of peanut butter that never forgets.)
6. What’s the knob at the end of the elephants tail? ( the elephant)
7. What’s yellow and gray, yellow and gray, yellow and gray? ( an elephant rolling downhill with a dandelion in its trunk)
8. What did Tarzan say when he saw an elephant in sunglasses? ( nothing, he didn’t recognize him)
9. What do you call a female elephant that hitchhikes? ( a two and half ton pickup)
10. What are the little black things between the elephant’s toes? ( slow natives)
11. What’s big, gray, has a trunk, and is in Alaska?An elephant who lost his map.
12. What’s big, gray, and goes up and down and up and down? An elephant in an elevator.
13. What’s big, gray and has 2 trunks, 6 legs and 3 ears? An elephant with spare parts.
14. What do elephants say as a compliment ? You look elephantastic !
15. What do you do with old cannon balls ? Give them to elephants to use as marbles !
16. What goes up slowly and comes down quickly ? An elephant in a lift !
17. What should you give a seasick elephant?
A: A lot of room…
18. What’s red and white on the outside and gray and white on the inside?
A can of Campbell’s Cream of Elephant soup.
19.What’s red and white on the outside and gray and green on the inside?
A very, very old can of Campbell’s Cream of Elephant soup.
20.What do you do if you are walking backwards and bump into an elephant? Say “Excuse me”
21. What do you get when you cross a elephant and a mouse?
A bad combination!
22. What is the same size as a elephant, yet weighs nothing?
An elephants shadow!
23.What do you get when you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Giant holes across Australia!!
24. What can you put in a elephant to make it weigh more?
Almost anything!
25. What’s harder than getting 4 elephants in a mini?
Getting 4 pregnant elephants in a mini.
26. What is gray inside and clear outside?
An elephant in a baggie!
27.What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
“Here come the elephants!
28.What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
“Here come the elephants!
29.What did Tarzan and Jane say when they saw the elephants coming over the hill with sunglasses on?
Nothing, they didn’t recognize them.
30.What happens when a elephant sits on you?
You get De-Pressed!
31.What happens when he sits on you again?
You get Re-pressed
32.What is gray, has four legs and a trunk?
Answer: An elephant.
33. What ISN’T gray, and has no legs and no trunk?
Answer: No elephants.
34.What do you do if you’re eaten by an Elephant?
Run around till you’re pooped!
35.What do you do if an elephant breaks his toe?
Call a toe truck!
36.What do you call the brown stuff between an elephants toes?
Natives
37.What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence.
38.What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
A: An elephant with diarrhea.
39.Q: What is the height of ambition?
A: An ant climbing an elephant’s leg with the intention of rape.

40.Q: What did one elephant say to the other elephant when he realized he’d stepped on a pygmy?
A: Look what I just stepped in!

41. Q: What do elephants use for condoms?
A: Snakes.
42.Q: What’s big and green and slimy, and hangs from tall trees?
A: Elephant boogers.
43. : What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A: Grab a pail.
44. What sport do elephants play in a taxi?
A: Squash.
45. What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.
46.: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can’t hear you.
47.: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

48/.Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A: Cold ones.

49.Q: What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A: An elephant six-pack.
50.: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with built-in snorkel.

51.Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.
52.What looks like an elephant and flies?
A: A flying elephant.
53. What should you do to a blue Elephant?
A. Cheer it up.

54.Q. What should you do to a red Elephant?
A. Quit telling it dirty jokes.

55.Q. What should you do to a yellow Elephant?
A. Teach it to be brave.

56.Q. What should you do to a white Elephant?
A. Hold it’s nose until it turns blue,then follow the direction for a blue Elephant.

57.Q. What should you do to a green Elephant?
A. 1: Wait until it gets ripe.
2: Bury it, you we’re only suppose to hold it’s nose until it turned blue.

58.What weighs 5,000 lbs and wears glass slippers?
A. CinderElephant!

59.Q. What has 6 legs, 3 ears, 4 tusks, and 2 trunks?
A. An Elephant with spare parts.

60.Q. What is large and gray and goes around and around in circles?
A. An Elephant stuck in a revolving door.

61.Q. What do Elephants have that no other animals have?
A. Baby Elephants.
62. What do Elephants do for laughs?
A. They tell people jokes.

63.Q. What game do Elephants like to play most?
A. Squash!

64.Q. What did the cat say to the Elephant?
A. Meow!
65.What’s the similarity between an elephant and a blue plum?
A. They are both grey. Well, except the plum.

66.Q. What did Tarzan say, when he saw the elephants coming down the hill?
A. “Look, the elephants are coming down the hill.”
67.What was the elephant doing on the freeway?
A: About 5 mph

68.Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

69.Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

70.Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

71. Q.What is a fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant:

A: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn’t look like an elephant.


72. What do you call an elephant with a machine gun? Sir.


73. What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress? Anything you want, it can’t hear you.

COMBO JOKES:

1. If an elephant didn’t have a trunk, how would he smell? (trunk or no trunk, he’d still smell terrible)
2. If you see nine elephants with blue socks and one with red socks, what does it mean? ( nine out ten elephants prefer blue socks)
3. Recipe For Elephant Stew
Ingredients
1 elephant medium size
2 rabbits (optional)
brown gravy
salt & pepper to taste
Instructions
Cut elephant into bite sized pieces. This should take about two months. Add enough gravy to cover. Cook over kerosene for about 4 weeks at 450 degrees.
This will serve about 3000 people.
If more are expected, add two rabbits, but only if necessary, as most people don’t like hare in their stew.
2. : Where do you find elephants?
A: It depends on where you lost them.
3. : Where do baby elephants come from?
A: Big storks.
4. Where do elephants with skincare problems go?
A: Pachydermatologists.
5. Q. And finally: How do you catch an elephant?

A. You will need a jam-jar with a firm lid, a telescope, a black-board and a piece of chalk.
And a jungle with elephants, of course.
Go to the jungle. Write 2+2=5 on the blackboard. All the elephants will come running
and be paralyzed with laughter. While they are busy laughing, turn the
telescope the wrong way around and use it to look at the elephants. As they
are now very small, you can easily pick them up and put them in the glass and close the lid.
7. How to catch a white elephant: Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with raisins). The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin (without raisins). Drop the muffin (without raisins) as usual. When the white elephant finds out that the muffin (without raisins) lacks rasins, it will darken in anger. And then you catch it the same way you catch an ordinary grey elephant.
(Please note: NO ELEPHANTS WERE HARMED IN ANY WAY AT ALL IN MAKING THIS JOKE PAGE!)

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King Thibaw
The Royal Thibaw, Golden-footed Lord of the White Elephant, Master of a Thousand Gold Umbrellas, Owner of the Royal Peacocks, Lord of the Sea and of the World, Whose face is like the Sun.


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